Tuesday, May 20, 2008

i just took two finals. my brain is seriously fried. I have another one tomorrow but there is no way I'm going to study for it tonight. All i can think about is sleep.sleep.sleep. I have 3 more finals and then I'm done with being a freshman and I can move onto sophomore year. this summer is going to be amazing. my best friend gets her license at the beginning of june, so i will get my first taste of freedom. we will have lots of fun. if we ever stop fighting.
lately, we keep getting on each others nerves. we are so similar yet so different. i've always had a self-esteem problem...but shes on the other end of the spectrum because adores herself. you can hear it in her voice, sometimes she just sounds so incredibly snotty, like she thinks shes sooooo much better than me. "i dont weaaaaaar band t-shirts" "my legs are loonger than yours." "brittany thinks your pretty? pf. well brittany thinks SHES pretty." "iiiiiiii only get my music from riding in cars with people and hearing the songs and then falling in looove with the band...ur way is too digital." and shes also increddddddddibly snotty about art more specifically my paintings. Shes supposed to shutup and say its good. its my first oil painting and shes stares at it for a while with a stony face and deadpans "you should work on your values." [color values, not moral values. ;) ] i mean i'm pretty snotty about art myself (especially music.) but if her art sucks, or anybodys art for that matter, i SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NOD MY HEAD AND SMILE.
idk, its not a big deal, but ive been really irritably lately stressing aboout finals and PMSing and whenever she pisses me off i just YELL at her.
and she always complains im being sooo mean to her...but she doesnt realize wtf shes doing to me.

if youre around someone who believes strongly in somethign, you cant help but follow along. and being around her makes me feel ugly, fat, short, useless, immature, young and self conscious.

i mean dont get me wrong, i love the girl like a favorite sister but like URGGGGGG.

on another note. i havn't listened to anything but the brian jonestown massacre for 2 days. its a binge. and i feel better than ever before. brian jonestown is a drug.

Friday, May 2, 2008

My life has been rather busy since my last post.
I've stayed out all night.
Had many bad firsts.
Had tons of fun.

song of the day:

IF YOU'RE COOL by THE OUT CROWD. awesome sound. a lot like spacemen 3 (my new fav band in the entire world). (mr. doyle has met them!!!!! argggg)

this song perfectly describes this friday. im sitting in my math class right now...doing nothing.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

i'm always in this constant state of motion. all i do is do. i do do do do do do til i can't fucking do anything anymore. i'm so damn tired of doing. i do everything and i do nothing but i want to stop doing. i'm tired of waiting.
elizabeth wurtzel perfectly describes it as such:

Lots of people get nervous waiting for the phone to ring, wondering if she'll call, or if he is still interested after our first date - thats just human. But me, I can't handle the twenty minutes it takes for someone who I know likes me to call back. I'm so fucking empty. ... I do cocaine to get through the twenty minutes of waiting for a returned call.

i'm tired of the way i FEEL all the time. its like im always hazy and nothing is ever clear. i'm always tired and never all the way there. i never feel alive. it's always the same. i've mistaken this for life.
i also seem to have this all encompassing hate for everyone. when i have nothing left to say i just hate . i hate them for everything they do wrong and i hate them for being better than me. i hate them for having it under control and i hate them because i love them. i hate people who care, because i don't believe they actually do. i hate people who act like they know. and i HATE the things i can't have.

i know it all boils down to my self-hatred. but, fuck that, im fucking tired of hating myself. its so much easier to hate everyone else. its me against the world and i have no one on my side.

but i know this is not true. i have dreams where i am completely, terrifyingly, and dreadfully alone. unimaginably alone. i can't describe it to you. but i've never felt so alone in my life.

its seems like this medication is giving me the worst lows and the best highs. and when i say highs...i mean highs. sometimes i get these blips of pure ecstasy where i've never felt so brilliant in my entire life. i feel like i'm soaring over the earth and my body is a weightless, beautiful thing. its almost like i slip out of my skin and my soul floats around outside. i get this numb, weightless, tingly thing in my calves. but then, i feel like this. i feel like scum, useless, ugly. and nothing can get me out of this state. i have to wait it out.

but waiting i can't stand.

waiting has become the bain of my existence. waiting. waiting. wait. wait. wait. and that gets my thoughts haunting me. and they won't leave me alone.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

beach house devotion

Beach House sorta changed my life. I know that's an overused phrase nowadays but they really did change something. Their new album, Devotion, is fucking stellar. I've never felt so INTO an album since i discovered doolittle by the pixies. I don't usually expect much out of new bands these days, because ive been delving more into the vast realm of "vintage" music at my fingertips, but Devotion certainly sounds like its been around a while. The whole album is so beautifully done. The progression, the lyrics, Victoria Legrand's deep voice. It's all amazing. The album has a light, airy, transient feel to it. Which made it perfect to listen to on a breezy day at the beach, which is when i first started listening to Devotion. Now, everytime I listen to this album I feel like im at the beach, and in the presence of geniuses. I love the way it invokes this sort of cold feeling inside me. Its cold, yet warm and conjurs images of sexx on the beaches. It makes me feel lonely...yet supremely satisfied. I pretty much like all the tracks off it too. So thats a plus.


there's only one thing that I want to do to you.

i have a chem test tommorow that i'm freaking about about. i took a series of mysterious pills that are supposed to help me "relax, naturally." fuck that. i cannot fail this chem test!!! i will get kicked out of private school.

i go back and forth whether i like my school or not.
sometimes i love it. most days i hate it.
there is a serious lack of cultured, cool kids. most of them are just mass-produced high school students that drive me absolutely insane.
frequently, i will just stare people down if they challenge me. mostly they have no balls so i always win. i have nothing to lose and it feels great. high school is so over, before it really began.

maybe the reason me and zoe stick around is because of the teachers. ;)
nah, we come back because of the diamonds in the rough. the people that keep us sane, because they are even more insane than us. the people that smoke too much pot, or listen to too much music, or just our best friends who will love us no matter what. we like the juniors who wear tool shirts, we like the weirdos who hang around a hole in the wall, we like to make fun of the bitchy sophomore girls and a certain soulless senior.

i have fun.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

i feel changed.

spring break changed me somehow.

i just feel like a totally different person.

its so weird.

its good tho. it feels real nice.

Friday, March 14, 2008

WATCH THESE! they personify my life.

im in love with a face that doesn't exist.

so i found this photo while searching for photos of paul westerberg who is my hero.
now, that is paul on the right of course.

i'd just like to comment on the fact that this kid....(who looks completly bewildered) DOES NOT BELONG IN THIS PICTURE. like holey sweet jesus, look at his face. he's liek "oh christ, another drunk guy they made me pose with in this huge fucking sweatshirt that hangs off my prepubescent shoulders. DOHHH! IM AN IDIOT"

yea. this picture was distracting

love my way

so. i've been sick all weeek and i haven't moved from my bed. but today I am going to school, im sucking it up and facing all the pissed off teachers that will be awaiting me. i've been going through this Doors phase...I can't listen to anything but the doors, the rest just sounds like crap. I hate going through phases like this. Its annoying.
Anyhoo, the David CD finally came in the mail. So me and zoe are rocking out.

Tomorrow I leave for marco island...@ 4 AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like jesus christ, thats way to early. I'm gunna die.
Ima need to listen to sum MGMT.

Today I was thinking about all the useless crap I know. And all the important crap I don't know.
I couldn't tell you who opened up european trade routes to asia....but i can tell you that the LA based band, theIcarus Line, spray painted $ucking Dick$ on the Strokes' van. I can also tell you that Steve Aoki's gear was stolen by a drugged out freakazoid who promptly returned it. I can tell you a lot more things. Just not anything of substance.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

lockett pundt: HERO.

that is all.

Monday, March 3, 2008

i am a girl with a lot of cocaine

sometimes i want to run around in my underwear, wearing a man's dress shirt with a big, wet bottle of wine in my hands. i know exactly how this will look too. i will probably be wearing tortoiseshell wayfarers and thick socks so i can slide around on the hardwood floors. my hair will probably resemble an unkempt rats nest and certainly there will be bags the size of my grandmothers purse under my eyes. i wont be sober, and you wont be either. black eyemakeup from last night won't be washed off. lipstick stained glasses are scattered on his coffee table. i will finish off everyones drink.

i'm skipping class...

Sunday, March 2, 2008

a lo-fi mix for the rich and spoiled honeys

we are spoiled here in dallas. i think its time for a lo-fi mix of dirty sidewalk rock!

1. Love Is A Deserter -- The Kills
2. The Good Ones -- The Kills
3. U.R.A. Fever -- The Kills
4. Yuri-G -- PJ Harvey
5. The Slow Drug -- PJ Harvey
6. Kool Thing -- Sonic Youth
7. Sugar On my Tongue -- Talking Heads
8. Rory Rides Me Raw -- The Vaselines
9. Dancing in the moonlight -- Van Morrison
10. Kiss Off - Violent Femmes.


Friday, February 29, 2008

its the drug i'm needing

the blackest black, she thinks thats where she is.
sinking into a hole on the dirtiest sidewalk in america.
she belongs with the cigarette butts and broken beer bottles.
scratching out her fears with her fingernails,
she wants more.
her mind is clouded with unattainable things.
holding on to dreams she can't ignore.
out of the corner of her eye, she looks for you.
anyone to give her a hand.
for some reason, you take her at face value.
and she belongs with the cigarette butts and broken beer bottles.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

song of the day: Lust by The Raveonettes

This song blows my mind everytime I hear it. Its dark, lusty, and mysterious. I love it so much. From the opening line "I fell out of heaven to be with you in hell" I can already relate. Sharin Foo's voice is intoxicating and lovely. Download it now!


I fell out of heaven
To be with you in hell
My sins not quite seven
Nothing much to tell
Lust I have and crave
A saintly boy I'm not
I'll take it to my grave
Beside it cursed I'll rot

I'll ride these roads alone
Beneath the sulphur sky
Everywhere I roamed
Life's one big lie
When the fireball goes down
Out by LA ways
I come into town
But only for a day

Starving on my knees
I pray for you to understand
A man sure is weak
But lust holds my hand
I struggled and I cried
I pounced with no avail
I least I never lied
Or did the truth derail

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

kill yr idols!!!

kill em.

Well, apparently, he's a pretentious jackass...but who cares? Man he's the coolest dude around. As the lead singer of the Velvet Underground he sang about S&M, heroin, transvestites, and other low culture topics that were rare in the 70s. The founder of punk. I love lou.

Nico was also a singer for the Velvet Underground. She is beautiful, but deadly. She has this crooning, deep voice and is simply insane. Even though she was so beautiful, no one in the band would date her because she was just the weirdest person they knew. Woohoo for the pretty weirdos.

Super cool model who isn't like the others. She goes to Misshapes parties and wears weird glasses. Heeerooo.

You know. She's becoming less grunge more spoiled hispter. Dont know how I feel about that....but oh well, she's on my list.

This is a really young pic of him...but there were no good ones from Drugstore Cowboys which is one of my favorite movies ever because Matt Dillon stares as this freaky spazed out dope addict who steals drugs for a living. Reminds me of a certain senior boy I keep having dreams about. ;)

Ex-guitarist for the Test Icicles now gaining fame from his solo album 'Galaxy of the Lost', Devonte Hynes has an awesome signature style that I go crazy for. His hair is neat. His glasses are always neat. He is the neatest!!!!

...or else!

i'd just like to comment that private school sucks. yeah yeah yeah, we're smart, yeah, yeah, yeah, we get a better education than you, yeah, yeah, yeah, its the good life.
but i am so tired of it. my life priorities are all outta wack. I mean forrealz, everyone around me is like "I'm going to kill myself if I get a B-, blah blah blah." And i know I should put school at a higher priority because C's are just not cool, but does it have to be the NUMERO UNO????!

i recieved this email today from my chemistry teacher::

"Shelby, it appears that I do not have your lab book --- failure to submit a lab book is an automatic failure for the trimester. I will take it tomorrow before we leave for community service, otherwise it will turn to a zero"

I read that like 8 times before I got to the point: failure to submit a lab book is an automatic failure for the trimester. like WHAT????!!!!!! its a stupid book and i'm going to fail Chemistry for it?! Jesus.
How snobby is that!? "It appearrsssssss i do not have your labbook." Shuv it up your ass, mr. b. SHOVE IT.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

she's got the power in her hands to shock you like you won't believe

I'm so bored. My life is becoming the time in between.
In between the next weekend. In between the next school day, when I have to work. In between the times I get to sleep. In between my next chance to live.
Can we just cut out this bullshit and get on to the real shit?

My eyes are permanetly half closed, and they are developing these horrible bags that just wont go away.
I'm all black and blue and a little fuzzy around the edges. I keep blinking but nothing gets clearer.

I am the robot, doing what I am told.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

I had my face like the ocean, so i'd radiate

sadies was tonight. i got ready with zoe and went to dinner with some peeps. we did weird things. today i fell in love with the velvet underground and atlas sound.

I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein
And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushing on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
And I guess that I just don't know
'Cause when the blood begins to flow

When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death
And you can't help me now, you guys
And all you sweet girls with all your sweet talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess that I just don't know

- Heroin - the velvets

got bored at starbucks.

ate sushi.
cleaned up a mess with a paddie
oh sweet days.
mine has a blue star.
she was taking to long...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

as a tribute to the new book, Punk House: Interiors in Anarchy, i am putting up some random ass pictures of my room. for those of u who havn't seen it.

why am i more concerned with which tit is bigger? i should be freaking out about my impending english final....but instead im just staring down wondering y god made me so defective. ask THAT question at church.

hipster is not nessarily a bad word

i'm tired of people calling me a 'hipster' and then complaining about how much hipsters suck. i think people are getting 'hipster' confused with 'scenester'....which is death. soooooo since i trust with my life i will SHOW YOU why hipsters are better.

Scenester: A person who is scene, obviously. The basic goal of a scenester is to be non-conformist, and in order to do that, they conform to the scene style. In other words, they are a complete and utter poser. Typical scene style and behavior consists of:
-short, choppy, black hair (this is a must for males and females), often with a stripe or chunk of an unnatural color or bleach.
-band shirts, generally emo bands
-skinny jeans for girls, girls jeans for guys
-Converses or Vans
-bright colors paired with black
-polka dots
-dinosaurs, robots, or other kiddyish fantasy-type ideas
-girly ribbons for girls
-Myspace account, with tons of pouty pictures at weird angles
-typing (and often talking) with weird phrases, like HARDXCORE, KTHNXBAI, and others

Hipsters: 15-25 year olds who love indie rock, modern poetry, art galleries, thrift stores, and independent films. Generally they dress in band t-shirts, subdued blazers, and jeans (not too loose or too tight). They have messy (generally) non-dyed brown hair.

Not to be confused with scenesters. Hipsters are pretty cool besides their snobby pretension, but scenesters are vain idiots. If you're not sure if someone is one way or the other, ask them if they have a MySpace. If they excitedly give you their address and go on and on about it, it's a scenester. If they stare blankly it's a hipster.

ok so i do have a myspace....but it's only so i can view pics of bands and shit like this. :D

sooooooooooooo. there ya go, fools.

i found love, i saw stars all in the backseat of your car

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

ooh girl shock me like an electric eel.

some things would only happen to me and z. some sentances would only be uttered in z and i's presence. like

"c: wer'e looking at bording school in vermont.... :l
c: i know
me: shit, man.
c: THEREPUTIC bording school"


z: why does David have like post-braces straight teeth and Joel has LeoQue teeth
me: maybe..................................joel is wild
z: like refused braces?
me: yes
me: he seems like the type
z: i want to ask him, but it could be awkward
z: like "my parents were too poor to get my teeth fixed" awkward

condawg: yo mamma
me: YO mamma, BITCH
condawg: im sorry i must have mistaked you f or someone with a brain
condawg: sorry
me: u make 0 sense
condawg: 100% of the time
condawg: 0=10000
condawg: well
condawg: 60 percent if the time i make 0 sense all the t ime
me: lay off the crack

eriq and i have best convos EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: i have this strange desire for 50 Cent
eriq: u can give up on that
me: ahahahah
me: i'm too ugly
eriq: no ur not
me: then waht?
me: oh.
me: he's 50 Cent. and i'm a white 14 year old.

oh im outta touch with all my friends, their somewhere gettin wasted.

I have 2 finals done, 3 more to go. I don't have to go to school until 1 tomorrow so i get to sleep the fuck in. and god knows i need my effing sleep. i'm so exhausted from dealing with finals AND shit. i wanna go to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.


when they get back their all mixed up with no one to stay with

so heartschallenger has been sparking my interest lately. if you dont know wtf that is then
a) your not cool
so i've included a lil snippet from their myspace.





yea. I have their super-sweet t-shirt pictured in this post.

i've also got sum pics from

basically they are just this lil hipster-serving fun-loving pink van that travels and sells sweet shit.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Hey what do you say I got a 15 million dollar contract coming my way

so this weekend was weird...
i went to this david (DAHH-VEEED) garza concert. and it was totally amazing. it was so tiny, there was only like 50 people there, it was so great.
me and my friend, z, know david because his brother is z's english teacher.
so basically we hung out with our english teacher and sat severely unsatisfied while a bottle of tequila was passed around the room and subsequently our english teacher got a touch tipsy. friday nights with our teachers, that definetly sounds like me and z.
we have already decided that we are the craziest freshman girls who have the most fun.
this is for z:

  • sex noises in the locker room courtesy of your bose headphones
  • "ITS THE DRUGGGGS" -----maintenance man walks in -----"that was a joke!!"
  • apples and cars.
  • ms. jodi watkins
  • the gummy bear king and queen
  • hysterical laughing at things that are pretty horrible
  • finding notes on the ground and hyper-analyzing them.
  • good puppies.
  • estimations
other than that...the weekend consisted of studying/procrastinating studying for finals. finals are horrible, i can't have any fun without feeling like a total slacker. Like right now, even as I type this blog post, I know that i will potentially fail my chinese exam because I have no idea what 一 下 means. or 漂 for that matter.

my trainer is pregnant and sickie so I got out of church this weekend. (!!!). Its the weirdest going to church. I just stick out like a sore toe. i am not cute. well....maybe im cute but not in that christian way. the christian girls definetly have a LOOK. you know?

The Dø - A Mouthful

This is probably the craziest album I have encountered in all my years of tender music loving. In short, this album is all over the place. It starts out with this pretty sweet song with children screaming "we are not crazy! we are not afraid of you grown-ups!!!" Its pretty much kid-friendly noise that transcends musical stereotypes. The rest of the album continues in this almost folky, flowy sound that wraps you in its warm sweet arms.