Tuesday, May 20, 2008

i just took two finals. my brain is seriously fried. I have another one tomorrow but there is no way I'm going to study for it tonight. All i can think about is sleep.sleep.sleep. I have 3 more finals and then I'm done with being a freshman and I can move onto sophomore year. this summer is going to be amazing. my best friend gets her license at the beginning of june, so i will get my first taste of freedom. we will have lots of fun. if we ever stop fighting.
lately, we keep getting on each others nerves. we are so similar yet so different. i've always had a self-esteem problem...but shes on the other end of the spectrum because adores herself. you can hear it in her voice, sometimes she just sounds so incredibly snotty, like she thinks shes sooooo much better than me. "i dont weaaaaaar band t-shirts" "my legs are loonger than yours." "brittany thinks your pretty? pf. well brittany thinks SHES pretty." "iiiiiiii only get my music from riding in cars with people and hearing the songs and then falling in looove with the band...ur way is too digital." and shes also increddddddddibly snotty about art more specifically my paintings. Shes supposed to shutup and say its good. its my first oil painting and shes stares at it for a while with a stony face and deadpans "you should work on your values." [color values, not moral values. ;) ] i mean i'm pretty snotty about art myself (especially music.) but if her art sucks, or anybodys art for that matter, i SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NOD MY HEAD AND SMILE.
idk, its not a big deal, but ive been really irritably lately stressing aboout finals and PMSing and whenever she pisses me off i just YELL at her.
and she always complains im being sooo mean to her...but she doesnt realize wtf shes doing to me.

if youre around someone who believes strongly in somethign, you cant help but follow along. and being around her makes me feel ugly, fat, short, useless, immature, young and self conscious.

i mean dont get me wrong, i love the girl like a favorite sister but like URGGGGGG.

on another note. i havn't listened to anything but the brian jonestown massacre for 2 days. its a binge. and i feel better than ever before. brian jonestown is a drug.